As Thanksgiving approaches, I think about last year and where I was at. It was right after Thanksgiving that we found out that we were expecting. I almost did a post last year at this time about the struggles we were going through, but I hesitated. But now I feel that I should write that post that should have been done a year ago.
I feel that in the LDS society there is a topic that is taboo...infertility. It seems that it is suppose to be that all one needed to do was look at her husband and she would immediately get pregnant. Dealing with infertility is something that I would never wish upon anyone! Infertility sucks!
Physically the 2 1/2 years before finally getting pregnant were grueling. My poor body was shoved full of hormones, poked and prodded, and examined thoroughly. Going to the doctor's on average 3-4 times a month was normal. I joked during this time that with all the money that we were putting into me with co-payments, cost of drugs and procedures that I was a Ferrari car monthly payment.
Emotionally, infertility was the worst! The emotional roller coaster was amplified by the hormone drugs. I have never been so depressed in my life! Then there were the comments by others that hurt that were not intended to because they were unaware of what we were going through. It seemed that everywhere I looked everyone was getting pregnant, including some of my teenage clients I was working with. It took everything I had to slap on a happy face and go to all the baby showers during those years. Even holidays hurt to deal with....and let's not talk about how badly Mother's Day hurt!
Last year I found this song on the internet that deeply touched me and I felt that it was "my song" as I dealt with infertility because I would have done anything to be a mother. I would watch it over and over. I still cry when I watch the music video. This slide show was also brought to my attention and it touched my heart as well.
I married an amazing man who emotionally held me up for those years. He seriously deserves a trophy or a direct pass to heaven! Lately I have found myself staring at our precious little girl and I cannot help but cry happy tears and have extreme love for this little one who Heavenly Father has entrusted us with. 
I know many people, some loved and close to me and others who are acquaintances, who are struggling with infertility. My heart and prayers go out to those struggling with infertility and my arms are always open for a hug and a shoulder to cry on!
I know many people, some loved and close to me and others who are acquaintances, who are struggling with infertility. My heart and prayers go out to those struggling with infertility and my arms are always open for a hug and a shoulder to cry on!
8 comments:
I am glad you finally wrote your feelings down. It is good to talk about something that is taboo in the hopes of helping others feel more comfortable about it. Way to go!!
Love you guys, she is such a beautiful girl, she was worth the wait and has the best parents ever!
Great post! and with a smile like hers, I am sure it is not hard to say she was worth the wait!
ugh, soooooo remember those feelings. glad you're finally talking about it! i felt like i could finally move on once i started opening up about my experiences. it's amazing how many other women struggle with the same things. so glad you have your little angel!
I remember the feelings I had when all I wanted was a baby and for one reason or another everyone else was having a baby and I wasn't. A friend told me that there was an angel who had already picked us to be their parents and it wasn't about when I was ready for that baby but when it was that childs time to come to us! It didn't make sense to me at the time but now when I look at Cooper I know he is the baby I was meant to have and now it makes sense. By no means is that a comparison to what you went through to have Natalie but she is perfect and she is the little angel that was meant for you! I can't remember if I had a point or not because sometimes I can get to rambling but anyway, just thought I'd share.
I'm so glad to hear you share this. Glad you have Natalie. It isn't easy, is it? Sending a hug to you and a shout of joy for your beautiful girl!
As someone who's going through this trial right now, I really appreciate a post like this. Unless you've gone through something like this, you'll never comprehend the pain and frustration it brings. But a post like this reminds me that there's an end to this trial... somehow and someday. Thanks Christi! :)
AMEN sister! Thanks for explaining it so well. Even though I know we're not, it is nice to be reminded that we are not the only ones that have ever struggled with infertility.
I am so happy for you guys. I know that your infertility will make you even that much better of parents. I'm hoping to be able to say that one day as well :)
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